Mind the spit!
People, who know me well, will agree…me and bodily functions don’t get along to well. Yes, not only does it mean that I wouldn’t want to have them over for tea and discuss world politics (yuck) but it is the talking about them that does it; sends shivers down my spine. Or seeing any (god forbid) or hearing about it. It is what happens to other people.
I don’t talk about bowl movements (oh wait I just did! – besides this) or condom flavours and the thought of squatting in the bush or the pushing out of a baby (the miracle of the birth they call it) leaves me crippled with fear and literally makes me nauseous. Which I tell you, is uncomfortable for someone who would never be caught throwing up in public – unless during the rugby world cup and there were too many shooters drunk and it only happened once!
So you get it right? Just like I tell myself beef is made clean and fully wrapped, and does not come from a brown eyed cow with long luscious lashes named Daisy, so I have deceived myself into believing that bodily functions, happen to other people – in the private of their homes – and as far away from me as possible.
As unrealistic (and somewhat disturbed) this denial is, I packed it up into my suitcase and left for China, Asia. I can hear you laughing. It is okay; get it out of your system. Asia, bodily function issues hahahahahaha. Go ahead! I didn’t say it was rational thinking.
I stepped off the plane in Chengdu and followed the crowds onto the tarmac on the way through those arrival doors when I heard, from in front of me, a growl. A long phlegm growl which was followed by a spitting noise. I followed it to a man three people in front as he wiped is mouth and carried on walking. I cringed as all my judgemental western words came into my head…Uncultured (the guy was wearing a very quality suite I might add, very cultured), uncouth, rude!
I walked passed the scene of the crime and kept my eyes down looking for stray “shrapnel”. And for the next two days, I started to hear all the growls and spits around the city, and I caught on that this was not a one off occurrence. I began to watch the pavement as we walked the cobbled streets of old town, or walked through gardens and bright coloured temples. I walked with my head down.
A funny thing started to happen. I got less shocked with every leftover I saw. And surprisingly there weren’t too many, perhaps if I had looked up I would have noticed a lot of those spits where done into bins and bushes. I also realised I was totally bored with looking at spit.
So I started to look up from time to time. A starbucks here, a clothing store there. Oooo pretty lights, some people practising ti-chi in the park. A toasted duck in the window – ok not so pretty. A cute dog, groomed with pretty shoes on. And then it hit me! Like a ton of bricks or like a spit wad hitting the pavement! For three weeks I had chosen to look at spit instead of the city I was here to explore!
As I slowly come to terms with my bodily function “issue” by googling birthing info and looking at Dr Phil’s website, I have decided to put the fear of phlegm behind me (well unless the wind changes and I get caught in the cross fire, because then, my friends, I will be teaching Chengdu an array of English and Afrikaans swearwords). And as Shrek will tell you, “Rather out than in I always say!”…
Mind the spit? Na, not too much!
Homeland
The mountains stand rooted and unwavering
Like an acient king…before his men
As the winds of change circle below
Time moves, and trees speak in whispers
The seas meet in waves of rememberance
Histories are long forgotten but not forgiven
The people chant, the people dance
The people sing, the people march
Showered in splendid rays, inviting
Tribal colours bring energetic peace
Unique pallets and tastes unite cities
A nation moulded from clay
By the heart of a working man
By the hands of many children
A proud nation, is moulded from clay
Breaking stereotypes…Ten things I have learned about China so far……
1. Although you have to be 18 to buy liquor, if you and your 14 year old friends (if you are 14 in this scenario not 35 or that would just be weird) go out to a restaurant and feel like a little beer, they will serve it to you. Perhaps it’s because this is not such a drinking nation and I am yet to see a drunken guy stumble around the streets. But it is early days yet and perhaps that will be me after I try my first Chinese drink.
2. There are dogs as pets here, which are walked every evening all over the city and unlike popular belief back home, they are not walking these pets to market as free-range (if you know what I mean) – these are flashy poodles and lassie dogs well looked after and fed and loved. Pets – not dinner. Although they don’t bark and I do have to wonder if they to have heard the rumours and decide to be on their best behaviour in case.
3. I have seen (and heard at 3am) cats here although they don’t get walked and I don’t see them as often. I did see many at the temple but then monks are vegetarian so that doesn’t disprove any apprehensions and I remain cautious.
4. Although manoeuvring around the city, watching people walk passed each other without greeting and seeing pushing and shoving (normally between a bus and a scooter) may give you the impression of Chinese being unfriendly – they are not. If you are introduced to someone or invited into their hope it is of utmost importance that you have a happy experience and are fed correctly. The pushing and shoving is just logistics when you live with 10 million other people in one city. Truth be told, if you don’t do it, you will miss your bus stop!
5. Perhaps it’s better not to learn the Chinese for, “What meat is this”, as perhaps you really don’t want to know the answer. When eating out, it is also best not to look towards the kitchen or wonder to yourself, “How longs has this been standing there!” – blocking it all out when eating makes everything taste a lot better!
6. There are seriously no fat people in China, or not that I have seen so far. Perhaps there is something about this tofu, pork and lettuce noodle soup after all!
7. In a country that is now 3 men to every woman, it is now the woman’s family who get to sit back and watch the groom’s family pay for the wedding. Brides are hot commodity and weddings are big business. People now favour having girls over boys and some men now travel to Vietnam to find brides. In Chinese terms I am an old made and have no hope for marriage as it is important ones daughter is married before she is too old at TWENTY TWO.
8. Smsing South Africa costs a freaking fortune. In about 30 sms’s and trying to get my phone to load whatapp, I have spent 250 yen which is probably about R300. Cellphone is big business and I phones are everywhere. I also learnt that blackberrys are no where and I might as well have my Nokia 3101 from 1999! It is cheaper to buy a new phone that to try and call home.
9. There is no cheese and pine burger at KFC and MacDonald’s serves rice.
10. There is hardly any crime here. People walk the streets at all hours of the night and I have been assured it is safe. The sim cards for the celphone don’t come with pins and when I asked my friend about it, he couldn’t figure out why one would be needed. Obviously one still needs to be aware in any city in the world but with so many people around this city never sleeps and you never walking around alone!
